Download a hi-res version of this cartoon, “Evaluation Impossible.”
Video
Panel 1
(Hermie, paper in claw, approaches Marshall, a friendly but skeptical-looking Labrador in a tie)
Hermie: “Hey Marshall, Boss Betta says usage of the new CRM system should be part of your performance review.”
Marshall: “The one Gary’s cousin cobbled together to save money instead of buying a real one?”
Panel 2
Hermie: “…Yes.”
(Hermie glances to the side nervously)
Marshall: “I see…”
Panel 3
Marshall: “You mean the one that doesn’t talk to any of our other systems and crashes if I open my email?”
Hermie: “Yeah… that one…”
(Hermie’s eyes are wide with worry now)
Panel 4
Marshall: “The one with zero training docs, no knowledge base, and no SME on staff, so I have to troubleshoot it using my imagination?”
Hermie: “Umm, yes, that one.”
(Hermie looks like he might shrink into his shell)
Panel 5
(Marshall leans in slightly, calm but sarcastic)
Marshall: “So when my performance rating tanks, will Gary’s cousin Join me in the improvement plan?”
Panel 6
Marshall:“And maybe I should also be graded on how straight the pigs are flying?”
Hermie (with a grimace): “Maybe I’ll go talk with the boss about holding off on this…”
What Hermie and Marshall Teach Us About Job Analysis, Tech Implementation, and Fair Performance Reviews
In our latest Hermie the HR Hermit Crab comic, “Evaluation Impossible,” Hermie sheepishly informs Marshall the Labrador that his performance review will now include usage of a brand-new CRM system—one that happens to be unreliable, undocumented, incompatible, and completely unsupported.
Marshall’s sharp-witted response, “So when my performance rating tanks, will Gary’s cousin join me in the improvement plan?” followed by “Maybe I should also be graded on how straight the pigs are flying?” delivers the punch. But behind the humor lies a valuable lesson in performance management and organizational change.
Lesson 1: You Can’t Evaluate What You Haven’t Defined
Performance evaluations must be built on a foundation of job analysis. Without a clear understanding of the responsibilities, tasks, and required competencies of a role, any attempt to measure performance becomes arbitrary. According to Brannick, Levine, and Morgeson (2007), job analysis helps ensure fairness, validity, and alignment in both performance reviews and HR decisions.
Adding a tool like a CRM to performance criteria without revisiting the job analysis creates misalignment—and resentment.
Lesson 2: Tech Rollouts Require More Than Installation
Technology implementation is an organizational change initiative, not just an IT project. Successful adoption requires:
- Training and documentation
- Support from subject matter experts
- System integration
- Change readiness assessment
Skipping these steps often leads to frustration, decreased productivity, and—ironically—poor performance on the very systems intended to improve efficiency.
Lesson 3: Align Systems With Purpose, Not Panic
Choosing a technology because it’s cheaper—or developed by someone’s cousin—without evaluating its strategic fit can backfire. Tools should be selected based on how well they support the actual workflows and goals of the organization. If a system fails to serve the people who use it, it’s not a solution—it’s a liability.
Fair evaluations require fair conditions. If you’re grading employees on tools they weren’t trained to use, you’re not measuring performance—you’re measuring endurance.
Let Hermie’s cringe-worthy moment serve as a reminder: Evaluate your systems before you evaluate your people.
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